GO AHEAD SUFFER- ITS GOOD FOR YOU

Ugolino knew a thing or two about suffering as we see in Jean–Baptiste Carpeaux’s marble, “Ugolino and His Sons”. circa 1867

Want to know where to obtain the very finest wisdom in the world? It’s not at the library. It’s not to be found at a four year institution. And it certainly isn’t going to be obtained on Youtube.  It’s been right under your nose your whole life and you have been trying to shove it aside like so much garbage, not recognizing it for the source of knowledge that it is. It’s your suffering. Our suffering not only holds the key to a better life, but our suffering can actually free us from the chains that keep us from our highest potential.

So many of us look upon suffering and pain as something to be evaded, to be dreaded like a visit to a medieval dentist. In reality by avoiding the discomfort of suffering, we are missing the most important lessons life has to offer. Suffering isn’t something we should be running from but rather something we should be running toward. The world renowned martial artist and guru Geoff Thompson calls it “leaning into the sharp edges” and it is something to be sought if we are to make progress in our lives.

I have squandered a good amount of time myself trying to avoid suffering or at least trying to squirm lose of its grip, for none of us can avoid suffering all together. And one of the things I’ve learned over the course of my 48 years is that the stuff we try to sweep under the rug and divert our attention from are the very issues we need to bed down with and welcome into our lives with open arms. Growth only takes place after suffering. Whether we want to get in shape, address personal problems in our lives or even get that tattoo of our new girlfriend’s name on our shoulder (the suffering has only begun), there is no sidestepping suffering, for suffering is the ultimate catalyst for great change and development.

I have had, in the past, issues with drugs and alcohol. I went through treatment seven times, five times court ordered and twice on my own and not one of these did I benefit from. Why you might ask. Because I hadn’t yet paid a high enough price for my indiscretions. I hadn’t done enough suffering. When I finally did get my fill of the hardship this lifestyle was offering me, it didn’t take 28 days in rehab to convince me this was a path that led nowhere. When I was done, I was done. The price had become too great.

Suffering is about paying a premium for wisdom and everybody has their own price they must haggle out. Some get life’s lessons with very little dickering. Some of the more thick-headed, like myself, need a lesson thoroughly beat into them before the situation become crystal clear. “You gotta be tough if you’re gonna be stupid” is what I tell my kids.

We’ve all heard the phrase “there is no teacher like experience”. This is true. Experience is such a great educator because while gaining it we go through hell with blunders and missteps, aka suffering. The reason kids don’t listen to their parents advice many times isn’t necessarily because the kid is a knucklehead and incapable of learning, but rather he/she hasn’t paid the dues necessary to garner such acumen. Think back, how many of us took our parents advice seriously? Probably not many. We may have listened carefully and consider their point but without a little blood on our shirt to cement the message it was impossible to grasp the significance of their instruction. Advice is great, but can’t sit in the same room with experience when it come to teaching a lesson. We have to learn shit the hard way.

We all see people go in and out of the court system like a revolving door and think “why don’t they get their shit together?”. They don’t get their shit together because they haven’t paid a high enough price. If a thief was to be caned and have a finger cut off (rather than the common slap on the wrist handed out by many judges) anytime he was caught doing his thing, how long would it take for him to come around and see the folly in his ways? About a finger, maybe two I’m guessing. I’m not advocating such punishments, I’m just trying to make a point. The ramifications need to be severe enough to get one’s attention if genuine lessons are to be learned. Unfortunately, our justice system isn’t interested in a citizen changing their ways. Recidivism is the goose that lays the golden egg, but I digress.

I’m not just a casual observer looking at this from the outside, I’ve been through the judicial system many times. The prime reason I continued my debauchery was largely do to a lack of serious consequences for my actions (read suffering). I would go to court for a fairly serious offense such as assault and battery and would be sentenced to some community service, fines and probation. Not enough to make me think twice about putting fists on the next guy who crossed me. So the cycle continued until the courts up the ante and finally started making me do a little time when I offended. Only then did I consider revamping my social skills.

Suffering is never going to be a pleasant affair but if we keep in mind that with great suffering comes great lessons then our misery won’t be for naught, it won’t be all in vain. Our suffering is just the lessons we have yet to learn. Even the pain of losing a loved one can hold great teachings if we can look at it through the eyes of a student and obtain some benefit from tragedy.

Facing suffering and reaping the lessons and subsequent growth is a mark of true character. No longer can we hide like school children from the Boogeyman if we are to make strides toward self improvement. Examine closely the pain you have pushed aside or have failed to deal with and try to extract the gold within. Remember, the word test actually means to refine, to extract the impurities. And test ourselves we must. We need to grow the courage to stand before the tests in our lives and amass the rewards. Accept your suffering for what it is, an opportunity for development. It will be worth the pain.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Khalil Gibran

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